I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
