I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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