dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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