My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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