so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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