just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
