I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
