youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
