So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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