I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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