You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
