i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so let's talk penis.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
