The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
