I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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