Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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