I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
