Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
