We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
