ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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