AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
