please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
