How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
