Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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