Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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