I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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