It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ttyl tear gas
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
