One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
