I think I died a long time ago.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
