yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
