He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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