Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
