So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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