He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
