i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
