Barsexuality is the new black.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
