3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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