Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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