Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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