Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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