38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
