There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
