Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
