she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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