The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
