shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
