1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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