Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
