i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize