I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
