Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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