im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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