Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
