She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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