the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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