i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
