So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.