Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.