I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.