I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.