I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
