WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
