Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
