I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
