kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
