Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
