Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
