Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
